(Edited by brother Ben Lowe)
I woke up from a dream. I felt the urge to record this, even though I don’t necessarily know how significant it is. But it might have to with the Bride and the desolate woman, I’m not sure.
I was sitting in one of the red chairs on the far right side of either a large auditorium in a big church or a stadium. The second floor is like that of an opera setting. But there was nobody there; everyone and everything involved was on the ground level. Obviously, I was the only one in the audience, and the only male in the whole setting. The others were all female. The audience was on the left front side. There was an open place which was in the center front. Two tables were set out on the ground before the elevated platform with two young women sitting behind them. (I knew in my dream that they were unmarried.) A row of chairs also was set to their right side just in front of the audience in the left seats. An old woman and a young one were sitting there with some people standing behind them. It seemed to be a conference or something, for the two young women were acting like leaders or speakers, while those on the side were honored guests or ministers, and others in the seats, the audience. Now the conference was already over and a time of entertainment had begun.
Some young girls of high school age put on a show. It was a dancing performance to worship God. However, things got out of hand after it was done. That’s where my dream started. After the girls wrapped up, the young Caucasian woman leader on the right (to my view) began to scream while pounding on the table with her fist. She cried aloud, saying something to this effect: “How could we allow such a show to be put on? Look how indecent the girls are dressed.” It was like a cheerleader dance or something, so during the show the girls were wearing short skirts and when they kicked their legs the skirts would be lifted and uncovered their nakedness, even their underwear. The other leader, a Japanese young woman, was also very upset with the show for its indecency and impropriety. This agitated the guests and others behind them as well. Now with them there was this old Japanese lady, who was the mother of the young Japanese woman. She seemed to have expressed her opinion and got her into an argument with her daughter. This was what I overheard. The daughter said: “Mom, not everyone should dress like you!” The old lady was in old Japanese style, not the showy kind, but covered herself with plain clothing. I think the young women were all dressed in suits. Now, I am myself a bit confused of what happened here as well. The only reasonable explanation would be the mother was blaming the trend of younger women’s dress for this kind of thing, but the daughter seemed to disagree, even though she felt very bad about what had just happened. The mother began to get really upset as well, and she seemed to be ready to rise up from her chair. Then a young woman minister (acting like an assistant and close friend) approached her from behind and began to gently massage her shoulders like a kind daughter while talking to her, appeasing her so she would settle down.
Now while they were intensely arguing, suddenly it seemed that I somehow changed my seat. Now I was sitting on the left balcony, still a distance from them, watching what was happening. I was struck with a sense of shame and repentance, remembering my sins of indecent thoughts and acts of lust. Now witnessing how much love of purity and holiness these dear sisters had shown me, I felt most unworthy of being their peer, not even worthy to be in their midst. However, I felt more moved and shamed by their zeal for holiness and godliness, a passion I should have but never had possessed. I began to lose control and weep loudly, while feeling bad that I was making a scene. But they looked in my direction and continued their argument.
Then the scene changed. Now I was standing on the street and these women walked out of the door of the building. As I was looking at them, I felt an urge to approach them to get to know the Japanese old lady. But somehow I didn’t, as it seemed to be an improper thing to do at the moment. I then thought of Sister Jackie, as it seemed they were acquaintances. I thought to myself: “Well, maybe I can ask Sister Jackie to introduce me to her sometime.” But I had a surety in my heart that things would happen as so and eventually I would get to know this honorable old lady.
Then I woke up from the dream. As I was lying there, I tried to think of its meaning. These several things impressed me greatly:
- The Lord seemed to be not happy with the looseness in how these women acted in the church. There is certainly a desire in His heart for the young girls to act more properly.
- The sense of shame and sin on my part was so intense. I think it was to give a sense of wonder and that much repentance was needed and required. I just confessed such sins before the Lord before I went to sleep. I asked Him to deliver me totally from such unworthy thoughts and desires.
- There was one Eastern young woman and one Western, all unmarried.
- My desire to get to know the old lady and the fact that sister Jackie was a single woman who devoted the precious years of her life in being a missionary to China, Mongolia and Hong Kong. She loves Chinese and eastern people. I remember when we first met, she shared with me that she had missed Chinese faces so much that she had prayed to the Lord that He would send someone Chinese to her. She also suffered greatly in her past from abuse and mischief, but she devoted her heart to the Lord and His service. What a perfect person who signifies so much in terms of being a desolate one that has crossed the road from west to east. She has adopted a few children in her life. One actually was from Hong Kong when she was involved in some ministry there.
- It seems to be also pointing to a change of season in my own spiritual walk, as much of my past has been more concentrated on being a son of God and comprehending the Love of my Heavenly Father as a single young man.
- Being a Chinese, I never was quite comfortable with things of Japanese people. I thought I had forgiven them, but there seems to still be bitterness on my part towards them, even though back in China I had partnered with them well in business on several occasions. I think the Lord is using this dream to address that.
A Personal Note:
I never forgot an experience I had: I remember one time I was riding bus to UT (the University of Texas), and this gentle and kind looking Asian woman approached me from behind. She was very excited to see me. She rose up from her seat with a big smile and then began to speak to me in Japanese. I looked at her and was puzzled to be approached by a stranger and caught by surprise, not knowing how to respond to her. My English was bad at the time as well. Then she seemed to tell me she thought I was Japanese. I awkwardly responded to her that I was Chinese. I saw her face sadden and she became very apologetic and did know how to continue on, so she just reclined to her seat. How uncomfortable that ride was. We dared not to look at each other again. I felt so bad, because I knew she was a kind person and I had let her suspect I hold prejudice against her being Japanese. I also am reminded how many times I spoke of Japan as a nation or culture with a feeling of resentment and bitterness. Lord, I now I ask you for forgiveness and your grace to erase any wrong I did to this people. I pray you will extend your loving hand to save. Let your people in their midst rise up, bold and strong, so the miserable situation of your faithful ones in their land will be reversed. Aren’t You a God would shine forth Your light in the darkest places? So be it, for your Glory and Your Name!
(However, I am not sure of most of this, except the need for my repentance.)
