(Edited by sister Cheryl Lowe)
I had several dreams last night. I feel pressed to write down one in particular, in hopes that the Lord will reveal His thoughts to me and bring more clarity.
Welcome Home
It starts with the scene that I am now heading toward my home town. I do not know where I have been, but obviously I am coming from outside our small village where I grew up, back in China. I had I left home so long ago that I could not even recognize anyone as I walk in. People have gathered around to welcome me and it seems that I am an important person in their eyes.
Now the place is not necessary my old village, seems like things have changed. Nor do I feel any change of attitude in myself towards anyone of my own townsfolk. However, my “fame” as a person of royal and honorable standing impresses the people so greatly, that they all approach me with fear and submissiveness, so as not to provoke me to show disfavor to them. I feel a great pity and compassion in my heart, for these are my own kinsman whom I deeply care for. I have come back to help them. Yet they all treat me like a stranger, even fully know that I used to be one of them. I feel greatly troubled by the way they receive me.
Some leaders or elders evidently have learnt that I have come to help, so they try to bring some order to the chaotic people around. Finally they are able to make a way for me to come through. I am ushered into the center of the village, where there are a cluster of house for the administration. I am then led to the headquater.
My Father
There, I find my father, bending his gray-haired head deep down behind a desk. He seems to be in great distress, buried in weariness and grief. Some come to his side to tell him the good news that his son is not dead, but has come back to honor him and take care of him. Long has he worried about my whereabout and thought I was dead.
However my return, though surprising, does not stir him much. I am now quite curious as to the cause for his strange response- for I know that my father loves me greatly and would not hold himself back from embracing me, if not for some special reason. Suddenly I realize that there must be something horrible happened to my family. Or else, how it could be that my father, a seasoned man of wisdom and inner strength, a man of substance, would act so beside himself? I have never see him like that in my whole life. He was always composed and always refrained from being carried away by negative emotions or situations.
Now like a revelation, I realized that the people who were supposed to honor and listen to my father have rebelled against him. Even though it seems as if he is still in charge, they have treated him as a useless old man and have gone their own way. Now, none of these people really matter to my father anymore, except for his beloved daughter. They have done a very cruel thing to my family. They have occupied our home and imprisoned my sister there. My father has also been confined within this useless office. He could not even go to his home or see my sister.
The people are silently witnessing the quiet interaction between my father and me. They become very frightened now, for they see how much they have grieved my father, and how ready and determined I am to make everything just and right. I am ready to do anything to comfort him and to relieve him from his pain and sorrow.
(As I am writing this, I can’t help but weep… ‘Father, my father, I am so sorry that I have long left you and wondered away…’ And in my mind, I can see and feel the old Jacob reclining in his chair and suffering silently of the grievous news that his daughter, his precious Tamar, was violated.)
So without any words, as I look at the ones around who are now much troubled and are at high alert, I walk out of the door. They quickly make some moves to lead to the place they know I will need to go. Now this people, who are supposed to be my own, all begin to detect my rage towards them. With great anxiety and worry, they make every efforts of appeasement, and only wait to see what I will do next.
My Little Sister
I turn around, leaving my father where he is and head towards my home. I want to release my sister from her confinement and bring her to my father. The people begin to follow me and some are running in terror and confusion, for they now know how grievous the consequences of their misdeeds would be. Some run ahead and talk to one another, trying their best to come up with a way to simmer down my anger. About half way to my home, my sister is brought to me. I see her coming from a distance. She is not well. She looks dirty, wearing soiled clothes, skinny and unhealthy as if long deprived of any decent nourishment.
I am now broken at this sight, begin to cry in my heart.
“My dear little sister, oh, my dear little sister! No, my beloved little sister, you are not alright! What has happened to you? What have these cold-hearted people done to you? My pure sister who is like a dove, what they have done? Why are you so hurt and frightened?”
My physical stature in real life is quite small, and my sister is actually five years older than me. But in this dream, my sister is much younger than me, and I am tall and strong, valiant like a warrior. Indeed it seems in the dream that I have fought many battles and thus gained great fame and honor for being a mighty man of valor. I am now a dreadful one to these who have turned to be enemies of my family. Obviously these people are wicked and vile in heart. Now they are trying their best to appease me, so that I will not avenge what they have done to my dearest sister. She was terribly abused by this people (not in a sexual way though, she still remains an innocent virgin), and she is not even over 20 years old! And this was being done in the knowledge of my father, the one they should listen and honor!
Carried by others, my sister sees me from a distance. She quickly tears herself away and throws herself onto me without a word. She does not want to be touched by anyone else for another second, nor does she want to see any of them. She is like a frightened little lamb (or rabbit) in the midst of wolves. At last, she has someone she can trust, so she just wants to hide herself in my embrace, and get away from these terrible people as soon as possible.
I feel her soft body shaking and pressing as she clings to my chest and hangs her arms around my neck, trying to have me cover her up.
Oh, how my heart is broken, and how I love my pure-hearted young sister! I wrap my arms around her and begin to carry her to our home. I just to want to put her down and comfort her in a place far, far away from these terrible people. What a terrible thing they have done! They have defiled my little sister, the beloved of my father.
