Introduction
Recently, I went through something like another spiritual “birth pain.” It’s implication and impact upon my life is much greater than the “visitations” or “revelations” I have had few times before in my walk with the Lord. The intensity of the anguish and the burden in my heart is truly like what Paul called “the groaning of a mortal man.” By the Lord’s design, he is put squarely in the face of the ugliness of his PERSONAL sins and the works (ACTS) of the power of death. The darkness of self dismay, the weakness of the human flesh, and the hopelessness and defeat when facing the terrors of evil, brutality, and cruelty in this wicked age… There are not many “good” moments, when I have felt the encouragement of knowing that I have been a good “disciple,” willingly complying to the process of His Death dealt out unto me. Nor did I even think that I was ever prepared for it, being so heavy and so sudden. (Needless to say, many times before, the Lord had called me to it. I had prayed for it to come to pass, thinking that I would be “ready” when it comes. If only I had known then what I know now.
But through it I do know now, and am thankful for the support of the Lord and His goodness in granting me the “success” of becoming a greater “overcomer” in Him. Overcoming my old self, the Evil One, and this wicked and dark world.
One of the great lessons I learned during this time is a deepened understanding concerning the great gap between the joyful knowledge of something, and the sober and genuine willingness to “become” it- and then to eventually “be” it. It is indeed like a trying journey that only a wise and willing heart would embark on- from the start of knowing where to go, to the destination of where the “sojourner” will sojourn no more. He has reached a place where he would forever “remain or dwell.” A simple example: to joyfully embrace all the possibilities of a new life from God is one thing… but to truly rejoice with the reality when the working out of this new life “bonds” us on the deathbed of the old self and “unmercifully” reveals and cleanses the yeasts in the house of our old life is quite another. I would “presume” that no one is fully prepared for it until the “HATE” of one’s life in this world is truly the product of a genuine heart, with sincere love for God the Father as a son, and true obedience to God as his/her God.
The process started with a dream I had few days ago, I guess it was Wednesday, April 1, 2015. This morning, on seeing the dawning of the day of Passover (Apr. 4, 2015) outside of my window, I heard it clearly from the Lord: “This is a NEW DAY for your life in Me.” I knew in my heart that I have truly crossed over a spiritual death that only He knows how to appreciate in one’s life. Yet, it remains a journey, a mystery, and a further place to be identified with the Lord in His death and His sufferings. For each of the shedding away of the skin of our old self, His new glory will arise and indwell, until Christ becomes all in all – “we shall be just like Him,” in the life and glory of God our Father.
Phil. 3
1Finally, my brethren, rejoice in the Lord. To write the same things to you, to me indeed is not grievous, but for you it is safe. 2Beware of dogs, beware of evil workers, beware of the concision. 3For we are the circumcision, which worship God in the spirit, and rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh.
4Though I might also have confidence in the flesh. If any other man thinketh that he hath whereof he might trust in the flesh, I more:5Circumcised the eighth day, of the stock of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, an Hebrew of the Hebrews; as touching the law, a Pharisee; 6Concerning zeal, persecuting the church; touching the righteousness which is in the law, blameless.
7But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ. 8Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,9And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith: 10That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death; 11If by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead. 12Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.
13Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, 14I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. 15Let us therefore, as many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if in any thing ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even this unto you. 16Nevertheless, whereto we have already attained, let us walk by the same rule, let us mind the same thing.
17Brethren, be followers together of me, and mark them which walk so as ye have us for an example. 18(For many walk, of whom I have told you often, and now tell you even weeping, that they are the enemies of the cross of Christ: 19Whose end is destruction, whose god is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame, who mind earthly things.) 20For our conversation is in heaven; from whence also we look for the Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ: 21Who shall change our vile body, that it may be fashioned like unto his glorious body, according to the working whereby he is able even to subdue all things unto himself.
The Dream
I am now entering into my wedding chamber, wearing a white flowing garment or robe like in ancient times. The chamber is in the back quarters behind a huge hall, where friends of mine have just celebrated the wedding feast. I was full of joy from the good time we had just had. Just after I closed the door behind me, my bride or wife, an elegant woman, who has been waiting behind the door all this time, gently comes up to greet me, yet without saying anything.
It seems that I had never seen her, nor even “heard” of her before. But she seems to have known of me. As she waits on me, I have the chance to survey the room a bit, which I have never seen. There is a huge wedding bed in the middle, facing to the right of the door. After it, there is a spacious opening on the other side. Before I could finishing looking around, I notice that my wife bows herself down and produces a wooden bucket which is half filled with warm water. There is a raised area beside the bed. She sits the bucket in the center and begins to motion me to put my feet in it, so she could wash them. It is as if it is a very natural thing for her to do. But I am a bit surprised, not knowing whether it’s proper for me to comply. I remember my uncomfortableness with having a lady washing a man’s feet. Certainly, I can wash them myself. But she insists that she should do it.
So I begin to ask her why. As she replies to me that it is her custom as a wife to do this for her husband, as she had waited on her former husband. Many thoughts begin to race through my mind-I feel like someone who finds himself in the wrong place.
- I begin to decide to do what is requested of me, knowing that this is to “fulfill all the right procedures” that are ordained for such an occasion. This is not done without some needed understandings. I recognize, the awkwardness on my part is the misplacement of my “modern day” self in a “real life” situation. I recognize that I am not myself as in this “real” and spiritual life, but as someone who is a bridegroom in an ancient time, confined by their traditions. Now I should give in, and follow whatever is ordered before me.
- I begin to be curious about who was her “former husband.” I have some trouble reconciling the fact that she is a married woman. Not in the context that she is not a virgin (as if she is lesser if she is not), but rather that I have no idea at all of her past life. I also begin to know that she is a wonderful woman, sadly widowed without a husband or child.
- I begin to endear myself to this woman, who supposes to be my wife, as a sense of compassion towards her rises up in me. I see her plainness, her gentleness, her noble and wise heart, her submissive servitude, her good sense of propriety, and great honor to me. I also take joy in seeing her elegance and beauty- even though I seem to have never had the chance to have a close look at her face or figure. She is a slim and graceful woman wrapped in a white garment. Hard life has not bereaved her of beauty in any way, rather served to morph it into a graciousness that can only be witnessed in a wise and noble heart, like an aged wine.
While I was trying to sort out my thoughts, I woke up from the dream.
Impressions and Reflections
In the following few days until today (Passover), the Lord has given me some insights. I also have gleaned some reflections:
- Upon waking up from the dream, I asked the Lord who is this wife of mine. Why is she not a virgin? The Lord told me, just like you are not “yourself in real life,” so is this woman, she is a spiritual figure. She is the widow of my older brother. The Lord reminded me of the practice in the Old Testament that a younger brother is to marry the widow of his older brother if she is left without a son or an heir for the family. And the first son produced thru this new marriage is to be set apart as the heir to his old brother, entitled to his inheritance, and thus continues his lineage.
- I was quickly reminded of the reversal of the order concerning the “washing of feet” during Passover time. The Lord quickened me to know that this symbolic act has much to do with the kind of “discipleship” He will want to restore back to His House.
- The door, the wedding bed, the wooden washing basin, and the other things which I had not the time to detect in the room, like the hall of the wedding feast- are all symbolic to a spiritual order that is to be actualized in the receiving and offering of spiritual “services” to God.
- I think that somehow, at least for me, this dream is related to a dream I had some time ago. It is also closely related to the present Passover season, like the death experience I had 11 years ago during the Easter season.
